waiting for the siren's call

Life continues to overall be fabulous, yet somehow the emotional tone of this last week has been "For the love of all that's healthy, stop setting yourself on fire and then getting the ashes all over me." No, that's not aimed at anyone here. Somehow I had about three days in a row where I wasn't home much at all, and that put me out of sorts, especially since one of those afternoons should have been a 1-hr coffee and it turned into a long, draining conversation about something that not only isn't my problem, it shouldn't even have been my companion's problem. That companion really, really wants to stick a bean up their nose. Different companion is spectacularly pragmatic, but that pragmatism is meeting severely limiting health problems in a way that turns life into an energy-management game, and it's sad to see after knowing them in more energetic conditions. A third person wanted to fling themselves back into the arms of a disappointing ex, for a while there... well, some things have to be lived through and aren't to be helped via advice. It's just harder to let it roll off me, when I care about the people in question.

Okay! Things also happened this week that were expansive and wonderful, and it isn't fair to leave them out: I had the best workout in many weeks, all alone at the gym for a couple of hours on Weds. I went out paddling kayaks on the Charles River, which I hadn't bothered to do in my (ulp) 31 years in this city until apfelsingail came along and poked me to go with her. We saw a cormorant pretty close up, and lots of familiar places along the Esplanade but from an unfamiliar viewpoint. Had a great time weeding at a library and then having lunch with fellow escapees from Zillian. And to round it out, there was some great acro practicing and finally a class with returned coach, Tiny Person! (*explosion of rainbow hearts*)

Someone on the conservative right got shot dead this week, literally as he'd just started to discuss gun violence with someone from the audience. The person is on the record as saying it's worth it to have some deaths every year so that we can have the Second Amendment... wonder how he feels about that now. "I never thought leopards would eat my face", probably. I'm supposed to be having feelings about "oh dear, not political violence", but like a lot of Americans out there I've become kind of numb. Thinking immediately about the political consequences, rather than about the actual person/people in question. And part of me is like: am I really supposed to care about a stranger whose views I hated, when I'm already feeling stretched thin by caring about a much smaller circle than that? Human limitations... at any rate, this thing feels far away, distant.

I've been playing a lot of Blue Prince when I have time. I'm pretty sure I've figured out one way to roll the credits, but that's a relatively early victory in a deep puzzle-box. Also I haven't even done the thing yet. The bug likes it, and sits with me sometimes -- speaking of which, we had our anniversary date on Saturday! 22 years of being married. I hope he doesn't mind my mentioning this in a paragraph that started with a video game. We're often at our best when being playful together, so it's only a little inappropriate. <3

Lastly -- since this post is happening a bit late -- I had a drink and snack with my old boss, and one of my old coworkers, last night. It was nice to see him, but I don't think we have a lot in common outside of our thoughts about work and management. How strange that there's this entire area of compatibility / incompatibility that used to be so, so important and that now feels far more abstract. A deal breaker maybe, if I learned that someone was a total tyrant at work, but probably not a friendship maker. Transitions, continuing.