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[personal profile] flexagon
I had coffee with [personal profile] mindways and he noted that DW posts don't always capture the gestalt of my life, which is true -- so let's start with an overview: die Gestalt. )

Rightly or wrongly, I realize that I've never tied the quality of my own life very tightly to the (much) larger things going on around me. Where does this attitude come from? I've just always noticed the heterogeneity of things, and noticed that stuff affecting 90% of people leaves 10% of them alone. I remember being really struck, in my 40s, by how many people will respond to "how's work going" with a reply at the company level, about how their company is doing; and that's rational, reasonable. But I never once have answered at that level. It's more nuanced when talking about governments, but: here I am in a good town, in a good state, under a shitty federal government. It's bad, but a good life still seems possible, and open to me specifically (although yes I care about others, and I do get sad over the big stuff).


And events of the week included:

  • Not one but two circus shows -- Level Up (a local show with every act inspired by a video game), and Passengers by 7 Fingers. I watch these things as an impassioned amateur, always looking for some small floor or acro move that I might replicate, and in this case I saw two. One was a drop-back with one hand, made flashier by holding the second hand behind the back. I think I could do that within one or two practice sessions, and I'm gonna try. The other, going from a backbend, was a little hop over the arms (which bend) into a chest-stand-style rollout. I would want a spot for this, but it sure looks easier than a full hop over straight arms. And also less requiring of flexibility than a fully controlled lower to chest-stand. I'd love to try with a spot.

  • Reading a lot of Margaret Atwood, as the bug and I chug along through The Blind Assassin. It's definitely an exercise in attention management; I can get sucked into it, but it takes longer than with an easier and faster-paced book, so it rewards longer spans of reading. I do love Atwood's trenchant take on small things, and her sheer precision -- a young woman's lipstick isn't red, it's cerise. The wallpaper has a specific pattern with a name. The narrator as an old woman is far more observant and precise in this way than the same narrator as a younger woman, which delights me and makes me want to get old. I don't want all my reading to be like this, but it's a good reminder that there are different kinds of reading, too.

  • Covid vaccination! I was afraid I would not be able to get one this year, national policies finally affecting my body in an obvious way. The interplay of CDC, ACIP, state-level and other recommendations are a giant mess but, on the ground, I was able to self-attest to CVS that I qualified for it, and they stuck it in my arm. The next day, yesterday, I got super tired and couldn't really invert, and fell asleep on the couch after doing what I could at open studio.

  • A good handstand lesson, in which... this will horrify [personal profile] justplainuniverse, I'm sure... I think I managed to jump and push shoulders open at the same time, on purpose, for maybe the first time ever. It felt really strange. But yes, for all these years I've been 1) jumping, 2) losing track of time, space and my identity while motion happens, 3) trying to figure out where I am, and 4) pushing my shoulders open if the situation seems to call for it. Because I couldn't "push earlier" during the lost phase (too lost), and I couldn't push simultaneously. I did it and dang, I hope I can keep doing it. All of this followed from a simple bit of feedback I got from a substitute coach the week before, which oddly sounded negative ("sorry, you just got unlucky in this one way") but was very, very actionable.

  • A few crossword puzzle personal best times. Construction is paused, and solving benefits from impatience.



I could keep writing for some time. I had another interesting talk with the bug about whether house projects viscerally feel productive or not. And I could babble about my video game, which continues to have both frustrating moments and "ooh" moments and which I don't have to feel guilty about playing. I've started to go through my fancy boots, wearing each pair to decide whether to keep or sell them, and I think I'll put a few other things up for sale too. I have thoughts, continuing thoughts, about AI and climate change and pronatalism (as it rises on the left as well as on the right, how everlastingly glad I am to be sterilized!). And I am worried about the joints and antidepressant levels of several people around me. If any of those sound interesting, comment; I could go into it. But for now, I will put nuts out for the squirrels -- I never see them anymore, but would like to remind them before winter that this is a useful place to know about -- and get a few chores done.

Troubles around, but not dead center

Sep. 15th, 2025 10:43 am
flexagon: (squirrel coffee)
[personal profile] flexagon
Life continues to overall be fabulous, yet somehow the emotional tone of this last week has been "For the love of all that's healthy, stop setting yourself on fire and then getting the ashes all over me." No, that's not aimed at anyone here. Somehow I had about three days in a row where I wasn't home much at all, and that put me out of sorts, especially since one of those afternoons should have been a 1-hr coffee and it turned into a long, draining conversation about something that not only isn't my problem, it shouldn't even have been my companion's problem. That companion really, really wants to stick a bean up their nose. Different companion is spectacularly pragmatic, but that pragmatism is meeting severely limiting health problems in a way that turns life into an energy-management game, and it's sad to see after knowing them in more energetic conditions. A third person wanted to fling themselves back into the arms of a disappointing ex, for a while there... well, some things have to be lived through and aren't to be helped via advice. It's just harder to let it roll off me, when I care about the people in question.

Okay! Things also happened this week that were expansive and wonderful, and it isn't fair to leave them out: I had the best workout in many weeks, all alone at the gym for a couple of hours on Weds. I went out paddling kayaks on the Charles River, which I hadn't bothered to do in my (ulp) 31 years in this city until [personal profile] apfelsingail came along and poked me to go with her. We saw a cormorant pretty close up, and lots of familiar places along the Esplanade but from an unfamiliar viewpoint. Had a great time weeding at a library and then having lunch with fellow escapees from Zillian. And to round it out, there was some great acro practicing and finally a class with returned coach, Tiny Person! (*explosion of rainbow hearts*)

Someone on the conservative right got shot dead this week, literally as he'd just started to discuss gun violence with someone from the audience. The person is on the record as saying it's worth it to have some deaths every year so that we can have the Second Amendment... wonder how he feels about that now. "I never thought leopards would eat my face", probably. I'm supposed to be having feelings about "oh dear, not political violence", but like a lot of Americans out there I've become kind of numb. Thinking immediately about the political consequences, rather than about the actual person/people in question. And part of me is like: am I really supposed to care about a stranger whose views I hated, when I'm already feeling stretched thin by caring about a much smaller circle than that? Human limitations... at any rate, this thing feels far away, distant.

I've been playing a lot of Blue Prince when I have time. I'm pretty sure I've figured out one way to roll the credits, but that's a relatively early victory in a deep puzzle-box. Also I haven't even done the thing yet. The bug likes it, and sits with me sometimes -- speaking of which, we had our anniversary date on Saturday! 22 years of being married. I hope he doesn't mind my mentioning this in a paragraph that started with a video game. We're often at our best when being playful together, so it's only a little inappropriate. <3

Lastly -- since this post is happening a bit late -- I had a drink and snack with my old boss, and one of my old coworkers, last night. It was nice to see him, but I don't think we have a lot in common outside of our thoughts about work and management. How strange that there's this entire area of compatibility / incompatibility that used to be so, so important and that now feels far more abstract. A deal breaker maybe, if I learned that someone was a total tyrant at work, but probably not a friendship maker. Transitions, continuing.

September 2021

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